2015-10-05, 9:33 p.m.
7 years ago
Today your on my mind, ide like to say its no different that most over days, but it isnt really.
A Suttle reminder of a dream a hope, the one day wish.
Today i saw it on paper writen down, the year i decided to make a decisions only then i didnt know it would still effect me years latter. I guess i could try too convince myself that i wasnt to know what was going to happen, but i think i new how i felt the day we met. for the next 6 months my life was going to change, i was going to feel things id have never experinced or really expected, i felt, i loved, had a best friend and had my first real heart break. I dont regret those 6 months but i think about it to much. I cant errase you, nor do i want to. But i want to be healed i thought i had i wish had. Maybe i never will be, they say time heals all wonds, but looking at this now and realising that almost all the fucked up thoughts in this diary are you. It doesnt seam to end. When we first met i always new there was something a little special,you had a thirst for sucess and a head for practicallty, me i was a dreamer, who never acted when i was awake, im not sure why i still beat myself up over you, why i torture myself , why i still carry that little glint of hope, even though you are no longer what i want.
You made me believe in things you made me beleive in love, i wish i could of said then i often wonder how things might be different, but then again is that the dreamer in me. If it was ment to be it would be and i know this, im still real.
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